Narcissists Manipulation Tactic 101: Lying By Omission

Welcome, my lovely subscribers. Happy, happy New Year!

Today, we'll be unpacking a powerful manipulation tactic weaponized by toxic people. It's a cunning, compelling method used to deceitfully influence others. 

Lying By Omission. 

This isn't your typical fantastical lie. But rather a lie that hinges on the truth, with important facts or details left out. 

By cherrypicking which parts to include in a story, a narcissist can influence your interpretation while painting themselves in the best possible light.

For example:

• A new romantic partner told you they've just left a long-term relationship, failing to mention it was a marriage.

• An abusive person telling friends how crazy or unfairly you reacted, skipping their baiting, cruel behavior in the lead-up.

• Taking money to spend on petrol but using some of it to buy drugs.

Basically, narcissists package information in a misleading or biased fashion to alter your perception or manipulate others to side with them. 

And although the story is rooted in the truth – it still counts as straight-up lying. Because, fundamentally, lies are designed to deceive. They don't line up when compared to reality. 

Reasons Narcissists LOVE lying by omission.

1. They can keep doing whatever they want.

   This is a champion way of avoiding accountability. It's easy to deny wrongdoing if they're caught out.

   Say you have it on good authority that a narcissistic boyfriend went to the cinema with their ex (but obviously left that part out when telling you about their day). If you confront them - they can gaslight you. Perhaps pull out a receipt for a single cinema ticket and a parking ticket showing the times they were there. Using this 'proof,' they can then argue that you’re a crazy, jealous partner who doesn't know which way is up. 

   If they succeed in making themselves look innocent, chances are you'll be embarrassed, apologetic, and unlikely to rechallenge them for other discrepancies. 

2. Protect and feed their supply. 

   By omitting their part in any drama, narcissists divert attention from themselves and their bad behavior. Using this blame-shifting, they avoid responsibility, and any ensuing ego blows. 

   This way, people will still perceive them as marvelous or a hero figure, which protects their lifeblood of attention.

   Also, by convincing you that you're entirely at fault, you'll pander to their every move to 'make it up to them'’ which they absolutely revel in.

    

3. They want you to question yourself.

   Narcissists want you to lose your intuition, which is a God-given GPS for navigating life. If they can continuously lie, get away with it, and make you believe you're going crazy - you'll become disorientated. The trust you had in yourself will peter out. 

   That's when they can start upping the stakes to get away with more overt ‘crimes.’ Right under your nose.

4. Saves them from uncomfortable conversations

   They don't want to own up to wreaking havoc and inflicting pain on others. They know this and don't care. The last thing a narcissist wants is to admit any shortcomings or pretend to feel bad for hurting your feelings. So, by artfully lying, they can weasel out of anything. Word games are their forte, after all. 

5. Dupers Delight

   Pulling off a ridiculous lie and avoiding blowback is thrilling to a narcissist. It reconfirms their God-complex and evil genius narrative while also getting the pleasure of watching you become triggered. This feeds their attention supply. 

How to spot the signs of Lying by Omission 

• Inconsistencies in their story

• Evasiveness around the subject. 

• Reluctance to talk about the event. Perhaps barking at you for being 'too sensitive' when trying to bring it up 

• Avoiding eye contact

• Becoming defensive 

• Redirecting conversation off the matter

How to counterattack 

If you’re going to confront them, you need to be clear, concise, and specific. 

Specific to ONE event. Don't try to bring up all the lies they've spouted from the last year. This will be detrimental to your argument. 

Concise. No waffle. Boil it down to one line. We all know narcissists have the attention span of an elderly goldfish. So, get right to it. 

Clear. Don’t leave room for ambiguity. No hanging fruit for the narcissist to grab and run in a different direction with. 

Start with closed-ended questions to pinpoint the situation, and switch to open-ended questions when you're confident you're both on the same track. e.g., 'Can you tell me more about….' Or 'What else do I need to know about…..'

Get ready for them to become defensive, play the victim or fly into a rage. You probably aren't going to get a confession or apology – but that's not the point. The aim is to subtly let them know you aren't a fool. You're rooted in reality and can't be swayed into whatever bullshit they're trying to project. 

Because when a narcissist knows they can't manipulate you anymore, they'll back off. They don't like a difficult opponent. They like an easy ride, which you are NOT. 

Good luck out there. Please let me know if you have any questions.